I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
