Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
