when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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