you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
