I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
