so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i came on her dog
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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