My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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