12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
