Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
