whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
