I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
