If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
