so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
