was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize