Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
