apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
