I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
