i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
