Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
