Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
