he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
