I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
