im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
