Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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