That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
