I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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