Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
