VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
