He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
