I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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