I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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