my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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