First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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