I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
