Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
