he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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