mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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