When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
