i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
