so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
