I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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