Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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