I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
