it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
zippers are such a cool invention
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize