problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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