Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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