this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
