Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
