...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he puts the penis in happiness.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
