Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
