I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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