hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
