i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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