Dual....:-)
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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