: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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