I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize