I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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