addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
