I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
