Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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