We named our party play list daddy issues
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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