She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
