We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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