I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
