I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can you bring me the toilet please
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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