"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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