This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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