i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
