I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
