if you like me you must not know who I am
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
